A Suicide Note
by panther204
Summary: Campbell Saunders simply couldn't take life anymore... He left a note to his friends, family, and of course, his girlfriend. What will the reactions of his family and friends and girlfriend be when they read this heartbreaking note? Could they have changed things? We'll never know. I do NOT own Degrassi. Or any of the characters. Purely fan written.


Cam was sitting on the steps in front of Degrassi waiting to meet Maya, he had the urge whenever he saw Zig to rub it in his face that Maya forgave him. Zig was in shock. "She forgave you?" He said in disbelief.

"Yep." Cam said with a smug grin. Zig shook his head.

"You know, you can't keep up this act for long." He said, about to turn away. Cam looked up. "Soon Maya is gonna see what I see." He said.

"And what is that?" Cam sneered.

"You're a psycho." Zig said bluntly. "Ya know, it just sucks that Maya is gonna have to deal with it. If you cared about her at all, you'd get out of her life now. Forever." Zig said, and walked away.

Cam stared straight ahead as the tears welled up in his eyes, he stood up abruptly and walked off into the direction of his house, he locked himself in his room when he got there.

He looked at a picture of his mom and his dad and his siblings. The tears slowly ran down his cheeks as he picked up the framed picture. He stared at the picture for a long moment, and whispered. "I love you all so much." As his tears continued to run down his cheeks. He was in a sort of trance, he then heard his phone go off, he picked it up, it was a text from Maya, his girlfriend.

"_Where you at cheesy?"_ she asked him. Cam frowned as he typed down the last words he would ever say to Maya.

"_Sorry. I'm not coming. It's over._" He put the picture back on his dresser shelf and opened the closet and grabbed a small bag and stuffed his hockey ski into it, he also put Hoot, Maya's stuffed owl, he had kidnapped, in there.

He grabbed a notebook and a pencil to put in there as well. He waited until it was around 10:00 PM and his billet mom was sound asleep. He hastily grabbed his bag and headed out to Degrassi. He had ignored over 20 calls from Maya. "Like Zig said…" he sighed to himself miserably, "If I care about her at all… I'll get out of her life." He said, and he began to cry again.

He reached Degrassi and looked around, the green house, he saw, the best place. He laid down on his stomach in the greenhouse and took out his pencil and notebook, he propped up his phone so he could use it for light to see what he was writing. He took a deep breath and sighed as he began writing.

"_Dear Friends, Family, fellow classmates, and Maya,_

_I have been thinking long and hard on how to say this… but being honest with you guys, and myself… I'm a mess. I can't deny it. Ever since I was little there was something wrong, something messed up inside of my head. I screw every good thing up that comes my way. Mom, Dad, remember how the other kids back at home used to pick on me? They'd call me names… Say I was a loser, a fag, a nobody. _

_They'd push me and shove me. Hockey was my release. I loved hockey with all my heart, Justin and I used to play all the time just for fun… And you and dad were there to watch and cheer me on. You're a wonderful family. I love you all so much. I honestly do. _

_But I'm here in Toronto, and you're all back in Ontario. We're thousands of miles away. I know you guys are only a phone call or a skype call away, but honestly, you guys are back home… and I am here… Alone. I've already messed things up so much. I can't help it! I just don't think, and call me selfish, but maybe I am. Maybe I am selfish… but honestly I just don't think things are going to work out for me. I've been suspended on the FIRST DAY back to school, all because of my stupid jealousy! You're probably going to be really disappointed in me when you find out. _

_I can't help it. The jealousy lingers, which leads me to say, Zig… you're right… I am a psycho. I am crazy… And not only am I hurting Maya, who I care so much about. I'm hurting everyone. I keep screwing things up. No offense Zig but you're a jerk… But so am I. Punching your face in was honestly really low of me… But I lost myself. I couldn't control that jealousy, the rage, the anger… I am truly a psycho. This is for everyone's own good. Zig, you can now have Maya, just please… take good care of her, and treat her better than I have… She deserves that. She honestly does. _

_My game has been so off the past few weeks. I've been spacing out in games, and I've been missing easy shots, my head just isn't here! Dallas, I'm sorry for embarrassing you earlier today. I really messed up… Not only did doing what I did make me look bad, but it made the team look bad, and it set us back. I'd be lucky if I weren't kicked off the team. But it doesn't matter anymore… it honestly doesn't. Playing hockey isn't making me happy… being with Maya isn't making me happy… Even talking to my family just isn't making me happy! Nothing is making me happy! Doing the things I used to love doing. I'm just not into it anymore. _

_Maya, you deserve a guy who is much better off than me. Someone who isn't emotionally unstable, or sad, or jealousy, angry, and crazy as I am. Maya I care so much about you… I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't want to hurt you anymore, my team, my friends, my family, the people I care for most, I don't want them to be hurting because of me. Or for them to suffer because of me, I don't want you to suffer. To have to deal with my crazy mood swings, my jealousy, none of it. It hurts you and the people I care for. I can't control it… And I don't know how to deal with it… _

_I think we all knew that it would come down to this. Whether any of us want to admit it or not. I've been hiding this feelings and thoughts for so long. I'm sad… and I just want it to go away, but it won't! I only know one way to make it all go away… I'm crying as I write this… but it's for the best. It's for all the people I love… and it's for me… so I won't have to feel like this anymore. I can't get help… I can't survive on my own… _

_So I will say this: I am sorry to everyone I have hurt since coming to Degrassi, this included Zig, for punching you in the face, Dallas, for not playing as well as I should've, Tristan, for not being as sensitive as I should've been whenever you had a crush on me, Ally, for you having to see me complain and whine about how terrible my life is, and mostly… To Maya, for you having to deal with me. I'm never going to hurt any of you ever again. I promise. And now, to my family… I'm sorry for failing you… As simple as that… this was my fate, mom, dad… We all knew it would happen eventually… and the time has come. I love all of you. I'm sorry, but it has to be this way._

_Love,_

_Campbell Saunders." _

Cam finished writing the letter, and he let his tears fall onto his last goodbye. He laid the letter next to him, so that whoever found him would see the letter. He took out his hockey ski, and he took off his jacket and hung it up in the green house. He slowly took his ski and positioned it on his wrist, ready to slash it open. He began to cry harder now, and whispered to himself. "It's for the best…" And without a second thought, he slashed himself deep with the ski, on his wrist, and then again, and again, and again…

The blood was flowing rapidly, and he was in so much pain, but he was getting tired, the pain was getting faint. He couldn't even hold up his arm to slash into his wrist again. He couldn't bear to look at his own puddle of blood he was lying in. It was like falling asleep… He closed his eyes, for the very last time, and he was at peace. Campbell Saunders had taken his own life.

Little did anyone know at this time. Maya did not know that the text message she got from Cam yesterday about it being over that that was the last time she'd ever hear from him. Eli did not know that he would find Cam's body covered in blood the next morning. Zig did not know that Cam would really get out of Maya's life. Dallas did not know that whenever he chewed Cam's head off that day, it would be the last time he ever saw him. Cam's parents did not know they would never see their son alive again. Cam's siblings did not know that they would be flying into Toronto with their parents within the next few days to attend a funeral.

No one knew anything. And the one question that everyone would soon have on their minds… is: _What could we have done to change things?_ Yeah, that's right. What could they have done? Anything? Who knows… Now we'll never know. It was too late, no one ever realizes anything until it's too late to fix or change it.


End file.
